Directed by Ivan Reitman, 1981’s war comedy film Stripes is one of the most laugh-out-loud-funny movies ever made.
The film served as the perfect vehicle for veteran comedians Bill Murray and John Candy, as well as an effective launching pad for future stars like Bill Paxton, Judge Reinhold, and many others.
Stripes is just as funny today as it was at release over 40 years ago. The film has achieved certified cult status due to the cast’s comedic talents and the scalpel-sharp script. The best way to highlight this is by listing a few of the funniest quotes from Stripes.
The plot of stripes is genius in its simplicity and masterful in its execution. If you imagine what it would be like if chronic stoners Cheech and Chong joined the US army, you would have a pretty good idea of what to expect in this hilarious romp.
Murray plays John Winger, an immature taxi driver who decides to enlist after his life falls apart. His best mate, played by Harold Ramis, enlists alongside him and hijinks ensue.
As a result of this setup, many of the movie’s funniest bits revolved around military hijinks and the cast’s inability to function with any semblance of propriety and decorum. Here are the
Best Quotes From Stripes
John Winger: Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out! The hell’s the matter with you? Stupid! We’re all very different people. We’re not Watusi. We’re not Spartans. We’re Americans, with a capital ‘A’, huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We’re the underdog. We’re mutts!
Recruiter: Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That’s robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.
John Winger: Convicted? No.
Russell Ziskey: Never convicted.
General Barnicke: Where is your drill sergeant, men?
John Winger: Blown up, sir!
Soldiers: Blown up, sir!
John Winger: My philosophy: a hundred-dollar shine on a three-dollar pair of shoes.
John Winger: Oh, it’s not the speed really so much, I just wish I hadn’t drunk all that cough syrup this morning.
Captain Hollister: I’m Captain Hollister, Special Operations Group. Who are you?
John Winger: I’m Major Dodge.
Captain Hollister: Captain DeSoto.
John Winger: Pleasure to meet you, Hollister. Heard a lot about you.
Captain Hollister: Well, I never heard any of you. And you’re not on my roster.
John Winger: That’s just the way we like to keep it, Captain. It’s double double top-secret.
Captain Hollister: Intelligence?
John Winger: Some.
John Winger: Don’t order the Schnitzel, they’re using Schnauzer.
Uncredited: Boxer or Jockey?
John Winger: You got something in a low-rise bikini? Mesh, if possible.
John Winger: How much can you straighten out in one week?
Anita: It hasn’t been a week, John. It’s been six months! Nothing’s changed! You sleep until noon and then you watch “Rocky and Bullwinkle” and then you drive your…, what, a couple of hours? You come home and you order out food and then you play those stupid Tito Puente albums until two in the morning!
John Winger: Tito Puente is going to be dead and you’re going to say, “Oh, I’ve been listening to him for years and I think he’s fabulous.”
Anita: That’s right. And then you watch movies until dawn and then – then you come to bed with me.
John Winger: You don’t think that takes energy? You’re a sexual dynamo! Most guys couldn’t even handle you. I’ve been reading books on the outside just so I can keep up with you!
Anita: It’s not funny. You’re going nowhere, John. It’s just not that cute anymore.
John Winger: It’s a little cute. Come on, I’m part of a lost and restless generation. What do you want me to do? Run for the Senate?
Anita: John, no. It’s not going to work! Look, I like you; but, I need something more. I need somebody who’s going to develop with me and somebody who’s going to grow with me. Goodbye.
John Winger: Grow?
John Winger: Who can grow more than me? Talk about massive potential for growth! I am the little acorn that becomes the oak!
Sergeant Hulka: Men, welcome to the United States Army. I’m Sergeant Hulka. I’m your drill sergeant. Before we proceed any further, we gotta get something straight. Your mamas are not here to take care of you now. It’s just you, me, and Uncle Sam. And before I leave you, you’re gonna find out that me and Uncle Sam are one and the same.
John Winger: Uncle Hulka?
John Winger: We’re all dogfaces, we’re all very, very different, but there is one thing that we all have in common: we were all stupid enough to enlist in the Army.
Sergeant Hulka: Okay, Mr. Push-ups, let’s hear your story.
John Winger: Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it’s usually something unusual.