Funniest Major League Movie Quotes

Funniest Major League Movie Quotes

When you think of great lines and quotes, everybody is going to bring different movies to the conversation. Some of the greatest lines in movies I have seen include Die Hard, Terminator, and Forest Gump to name a few.

But in 1989 there was a sports flick that was responsible for more than its fair share of quotes. This is about Major League.

Some quotes are so great they can be funny to someone who didn’t even see the movie. But if you have, I am also going to refresh the context for you. These are the

10 Best Major League Movie Quotes

“Four Years Ago, Then” – Pepper Leach

The coaches and manager are watching as players show up for the first day of Spring Training. The manager says about one player “He was an all-star in Boston, wasn’t he? The General Manager said, “Yeah, wound up in the Mexican League, Had problems with his knees.”

The Pitching Coach named Pepper Leach says “Wish we had him two years ago.” The general manager replies: “We did.” The pitching coach replies “Four Years ago then.”

“Don’t think this one’s got the distance” – Jake Taylor

The pitcher Ricky Vaughn is trying to finish the game but his arm is done. The catcher who is a veteran tells the pitcher to pitch it right down the middle. When the next batter comes up, the catcher gets under his skin by claiming to see the wife of the batter out with some other guy.

When the ball is pitched, the batter hits a pop fly in the air. That’s when the catcher says to the batter: “Uh-oh Rexy, Don’t think this one’s got the distance.” The catcher got in the batter’s head and the batter gave the opposition an easy out.

You never want to hear a ball doesn’t have the distance from anybody if you just hit the ball. It’s worse when the first one to say it is the guy who was trying to get in your head, hoping you would be an easy out.

“California Penal. / Stole a car” – Ricky Vaughn

Besides training, one thing players do during spring training is get to know their fellow teammates that they will be playing with for the current season. Willie asks Ricky: “What league have you been playing in?” Ricky replies “California Penal.”

Willie replies “Never heard of it. How’d you end up playing there?” Ricky Vaughn answers: “Stole a car.” The funny part is Ricky saying it point-blank like it was no big deal. He answers the question like he had a hangnail. He played his crime off like it was nothing.

“I look like a banker in this” – Ricky Vaughn

Three of the players playing on the same team are eating at an expensive restaurant to celebrate having made the team for the current season. The restaurant has a dress code so Ricky Vaughn says “I look like a banker in this.”

Jake Taylor says “Sorry, Rick. Those are the house rules.” The point is Ricky was wearing a tank top, a leather jacket with sleeves ripped off, and a tie around his neck. Maybe I lived in the wrong places but I have never seen a banker wearing that attire.

“That’s all we got? One God damn hit?” – Doyle

When the team was not performing anywhere near their greatest, the broadcasters talk about an awful game that happened. “For the Indians, one run on let’s see, one hit? That’s all we got? One God damn hit? His broadcast partner says” You can’t say God damn on the air.”

Doyle responds with “Don’t worry, nobody’s listening anyway.” It’s funny to see broadcasters who are supposed to be unbiasedly angered so much that they lose their temper while they are still on the air.

“About 90 feet” – Willie Hayes

It’s the final inning in the deciding game. As Hayes is getting ready to make a run from first base to second base, the first baseman asks: “Going somewhere, Meat?” and Willie responds “About 90 feet.” This is great because the distance between two consecutive bases is about 90 feet.

“To hell with it” – Harry Doyle

When introducing the post-game show, the announcer Harry Doyle says “The post-game show is brought to you by…Christ, I can’t find it. To hell with it” I’m sure the advertisers of the post-game show loved that introduction to their segment.

“You may run like Mays, but you hit like s*it” – Lou Brown

Willie was bragging about his skills to Lou saying “I hit like Mays and run like Hayes.” So Lou replies “You may run like Mays, but you hit like s*it.” This comment doesn’t even need context to be funny.

These are some of the funniest quotes I dug up from the movie Major League. I know many people who like this movie may have different opinions so if you feel like your favorite quote didn’t make the list, leave it in the comments along with why you think it’s funny.

“Nice catch, Hayes. Don’t ever f’n do it again” – Lou Brown

This statement came after Willie held his glove palm up at waist level to catch the ball. Lou replies: “Nice Catch, Hayes. Don’t ever f’n do it again.” So I guess Lou wanted Willie to get hit between the legs by the ball before catching it. I don’t know what Lou was thinking when he said this 

“I’m hungover, my knees are killin’ me and if you’re going to pull this s*it at least you could’ve said you were from the Yankees” – Jake Taylor

Jake was in a motel in Mexico wearing a sombrero and a hooker in his bed and Jake says while speaking to someone on the phone.

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